


5 Ways Raising a Child Changed Konoha

by Queer_Queen



Category: Naruto
Genre: 5+1 Things, AU, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Kid Fic, Original Character - Freeform, Self Insert, liberal use of swear words, may have a sequel, shifting narrative structure, slight crack, sort of, twist ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-10-03 03:08:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10234481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queer_Queen/pseuds/Queer_Queen
Summary: Sasuke raises his cousin after the massacre.(And one way it changed a little girl)





	1. 5. When Sasuke joins his genin team he is perpetually exhausted.

**Author's Note:**

> Looking for a Beta. Message or comment for details.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the spaces are weird sorry

What, did you expect for his genius to spark through the cloud of responsibility and allow him to remain Rookie Number One? Fuck no. Sasuke, at eight years old became a single parent to his three year old cousin, suddenly moving from working like a dog to gain a legal right to her, to working like a dog to  _ take care of a three year old _ . AND get a 75% average in his class ... He became the master of multitasking; teaching Hansha to speak by reading out difficult parts from his textbooks, chopping ingredients with kunai so he could practice throwing them afterwards, learning basic trap styles by toddler-proofing their home with cushions and foam, and using his taijutsu kata to entertain his cute little cousin.

  
(He wasn't sure if he should be proud of, or find humour in the expressions paper work ninja made when they 'dropped by' their home. But he had gone through the regulations with Inoichi-san, as duel head of torture and interrogation he knew the ins and out what what people said versus what they meant, so all surprise inspections were bust.)  
  
And even then he was barely keeping up with his average, because unlike every other orphan shinobi-track child caring for a younger sibling, Sasuke was also _head of a clan_ , and while he had finally managed to find someone to work as a regent for the non-mandatory clan head meetings (he still sometimes buried his head into his pillow and cackled over this), Sasuke still had to travel to the hokage complex at least once a week to sit through five hour budget meetings. Thank god for Naras.  
  
Often he would finish caring for Hansha and just fall asleep next to her cot - hell after he had woken up in Hansha's room, a month in sleeping on his mattress (which sleep-deprived and perpetually grumpy!Sasuke had dragged from his room into hers) he had just given up all hope and moved in. He had once heard civilian mothers laughing about how one had been unable to 'cut the cord' and was babying their grown child too much and he had two words fro them; 'Fuck you'. Luckily Shikaku-san had stepped in early to ensure he wouldn't attack the poor little housewives, but still was nearly weekly confronted with Sasuke's raging - and would just grunt 'civillains' and roll his eyes. (Sasuke had agreed with him, what was the point of a ninja marrying a civilian? They just didn't understand ... Until the day he realized that Yoshino-san was a kunoichi. That day he had seriously reconsidered the merits of a civilian housewife.)  
  
But apart from his weird placement, his sleeping was mostly disturbed by nightmares. They were ... well, not better, but easier to deal with and acknowledge after the first two months of waking up gasping at the sight of his mother's neck slicing open and blood pouring onto the old tatami mats he had grown up on. It had only gotten worse after he had managed to get Hansha-chan.  
  
(Some nights he would wake in a terror that she had died, either by **that man's** hands or, worse, because of his actions. Because he was a child and he had adopted a three year old and he had to teach her and make sure she was healthy and happy and oh god why. He would spend nights like those sitting on his mattress watching her tiny little chest rise up and down as she dreamt pleasant dreams.  
  
Her nightmares were another situation entirely.)  
  
So, now at twelve, he had elevated from parenting a three year old (whose greatest interests seemed to be a combination of the nightly taijutsu puppet show and her own toes) to parenting a seven year old, who had just entered the ninja academy despite Sasuke's attempts to bargain with the universe. (Yes, he understood that Hansha would be safer if she could protect herself, but there was a difference between learning how to protect yourself and learning how to protect yourself because you were _going to be a ninja_.) She had also decided that taijutsu was the Best Thing Ever (he dearly regretted substituting story time with Uchiha taijutsu stances) and now his baby sister wanted to be a close-quarters combat type.   
  
Graduating from a _ball of stress_ to a **_whirlwind of freak_** **_out_** was ... not good. (The only one who was seemingly oblivious to the impending freakout-of-doom was little Hansha-chan, who had taken to attempting to follow around konoha chunin to learn 'cool adult stuff'. When those words came out of her mouth Sasuke had rapidly turned purple and gone to go punch his regent in the face - the hit never even landed, but the thought counts, right? Before explaining to her in no uncertain terms was she to ever approach a chunin she did not know. Incidentally this was not the best advice.)  
  
Genin team meetings were very off canon.  
  
When Kakashi finally made it to the academy's classroom he was greeted by a head full of chalk dust, a grumpy blonde kid that was a mix of his sensei and Kushina-bachan, a grumpy pink haired girl who acted like Rin-chan and a note from his third student. (While he did fake his surprise to the two remaining genin, he had actually been informed by one of Sasuke-kun's ANBU guards that the boy had left early because, and he quotes, "Fuck this shit, Hansha-chan has been at the Hyuuga compound for **a full hour** without supervision." And had wrote a note that ANBU Inu had snickered about but not told him the contents of. And instead of being petty to little Yamato-kun, he had left it at that ... but not before 'accidentally' breaking the branch Yamato had been hanging off of. The betrayed yelp had been surprisingly satisfying.) So after disappearing to the rooftop with his scroll, he now had all the time in the world - well the time it took genin to go up five flights of stairs, which was pretty much the same thing - to read his letter from one of his cute students.  
  
_Hatake Kakashi-sensei,_ __  
_  
___Because of previous appointments I have been unable to greet you in person. I humbly apologize for this grievance, and will make sure to extend my allotted time with this team at our next meeting.

 

_ As for current missing information, please leave a message with my new teammates or any patrolling Uchiha Military Police Officer, and I will endeavour to keep up to date with any future meetings. _

 

_ Regards, _

 

_ Uchiha Clan Head _

 

_ Head of the Military Police _

 

_ Genin of Konohagakure _

 

_ Uchiha Sasuke _

  
Kakashi rolled up the scroll, frowning in confusion. There hadn't been anything  **wrong** with the letter. Why had Inu laughed so hard at it?   
  
(What Kakshi would soon learn was that Sasuke had been taught at Inuzuka Tsume's knee how to talk the political talk. Tsume, as Alpha of the Inuzuka clan, held the unenviable position of both playing devious clan head and brash, powerful pack leader, meaning that sometimes these two identities clashed. And more often than not it was the clan head position where she seemed weak. The Inuzuka were notoriously aggressive and animalistic, making outsiders assume that they were also quick to anger and unintelligent. Often those same people attempted to insult/profit/manipulate their clan by slipping one thing or the other into the clan head's weekly meeting agenda. And it was Tsume's job to uphold the stereotype of her clan but also protect it from the outsiders. There is a reason why Tsume has been clan head since she turned sixteen and defeated the previous clan head, straight after her jonin exams, other than her enormous skill.)   
  
When his other students came up to the roof (with Naruto noticeably behind Sakura), Kakashi fixed a smile to his eyes and said, "First impression; I hate you all."   
  
Because really, not that much had changed for Kakashi ... Yet.   
  
TTT   
  
The next morning found Haruno Sakura, Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke waiting on training ground 5 for their erstwhile sensei.   
  
"Hey hey Sasuke-baka, why do you skip the meeting? That kind of stuff is important, dattebane!"   
  
Sasuke, typically monosyllabic at this time in the morning, grunted out, "Cousin." Before returning to his scroll, taken from the Uchiha archives which listed the old laws binding the Uchiha police force to the village. The next clan head meeting Sasuke would be proposing a bill to get rid of the more stuffy regulations on the need for the police force to be ninja so he could start hiring civilians for jobs Chunin and Jonin should not be doing. (And maybe in the future they could have an integrated police force ... He nearly sighed wistfully at this thought, dealing with the number of Jonin he had to on a regular day was  _ not _ good for his health. Especially those who had been signed to the force as punishment for reckless behaviour.)   
  
"Baka! That's not a good answer," Naruto snorted, and when Sasuke-baka didn't look up from his boring scroll, "Hey Dobe! Don't ignore me!!!"   
  
Sakura had it up to  _ here _ with Naruto's morning voice, "Naruto-kun shut up."   
  
"But he's ignoring me!"   
  
"For a good reason, Sasuke-sama is clan head! He probably didn't plan to have to wait five hours for our Jonin Sensei."    
  
(Let it be known that one day when Sasuke and Hansah had gone out to celebrate Hansha's birthday, Hansha-chan had pointed her little finger at Sakura (who had either coincidentally been there or was stalking Sasuke ... again) and said "I wanna be her". Sasuke had fainted. He then had proceeded to flip out at Sakura, and in between the swear words and the "you have defiled my baby's future" she had heard this, " **its not like the Uchiha clan head would be able to marry anyone under Tokubetsu Jonin** ". Her routine changed. Rapidly. Sasuke never noticed, attention solely fixed on Hansha-chan.)   
  
"Eh???"   
  
Sakura sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, "Clan heads have to do a lot more than we do, and he's raising his cousin, so unlike us he doesn't have time to wait back," a glance showed Naruto's uncomprehending stare, so she switched tracks, "or go eat Ramen whenever he wants. He has to plan ahead and schedule it."   
  
"What!?!? Sasuke-baka can't eat ramen!" His eyes turned and suddenly he felt really  _ really _ bad for the dobe, "that's so sad."   
  
Sakura gave up, "Yeah ... It really is sad."   
  
For a moment the two considered the young clan head in silence.   
  
"Oh!" Naruto shouted. Right into Sakura's ear.   
  
"Baka," she snarled, "what was that for?"   
  
Naruto mumbled.   
  
"What?"   
  
Naruto mumbled again, a little bit louder.   
  
Sakura paused for a second, considering, "You know what that's actually a really good idea!" She paused, "Although maybe we should switch it up next week, okay?"   
  
(So now, every week Kakashi's genin team would gather at the Uchiha clan head's location and eat ramen together. This little traditional eventually expanded to include Kakashi, and went on until they were all Jonin. Sakura never managed to convince Naruto that they should switch up the menu, though.)   
  
TTT   
When Kakashi had told them the bell test Sasuke’s expression had flattened and he turned stone cold eyes on his new teammates, “I cannot fail this test, decide among yourselves which one goes back to academy.”

 

“Baaaka!” Screeched Naruto, “You can’t just tell us to fail!”

 

Suddenly Sasuke wa sin Naruto’s face, his fist gripping his orange jumpsuit neck, “I need to make genin.” His expression was fearsome, but his fist was shaking, “You know how much it costs to be a clan head?” And now that Naruto was really looking he could see tears in his eyes, “I  **need** the money.”

 

Sakura felt for Sasuke, but … she needed this promotion, she needed to be  _ better,  _ there was only so much she could learn from the civilian and academy student section of the Konoha library (in fact, she was twenty five books away from having  _ nothing left to read _ ). “How about we argue about who gets the bells,  _ after _ we have them?”

 

The sly expression on Sasuke’s face was one she would get used to seeing, “Whoever does worst goes back to academy.”

 

The three teammates side eyed each other and out of view Kakashi’s hand twitched, he only managed to delay facepalming because of his years of experience dealing with ANBU members trying to act normal. His cute genin had just grasped the idea of ‘teamwork’, beat it up, tied it in chains and threw it out of a window … into a pit of spikes.

 

The following fight was a disaster, and as all the members of the soon to be dissolved team sat together tied to a post, Kakashi was given a letter from the Hokage’s ANBU. 

 

_ If you do not pass this team, Kakashi-kun, I am assigning you as a Chunin Instructor at the Academy. _

 

If they had been looking, Team 7 would have seen the air Kakashi’s genjutsu was located in  **shiver** . 

 

He turned back to regard the team, surprisingly enough Naruto was the first one to have gotten out of his ropes - having become very used to it through generous practice with Iruka-sensei - and had gone to help Sasuke and Sakura out of their ropes. He watched as they stood rubbing their rope burns, glancing at each other. 

 

“We’re all going back to academy, aren’t we?” Sasuke’s voice was devastated. 

 

“Looks like it.” Murmured Sakura.

 

As one all their shoulders drooped.

 

“Hey hey, let’s eat Kakashi-baka-sensei’s lunch! As like revenge dattebane!”

 

Sakura and Sasuke’s gazes met before Sakura shrugged and set into eat their teacher’s food.

 

When Kakashi promptly shushinned to his cute new students and shouted, “You passed!” All three threw their lunches at him.

  
TTT   
  
Once Naruto asked why Sasuke doesn't just hire a genin team to look after Hansha-chan, and Sasuke has proceeded to flip the fuck out, ranting about the average price to hire a genin team, the inaccessibility of these services from those who needed them, the judgment a clan head got from being unable to care for a child in-clan, and the average incompetency of a genin team, anyway. What if a kidnapper appeared??? What would they be able to do? (And yes, Sasuke still didn't know about the ANBU escort, and wouldn't know about it until he activated his sharingan and proceeded to have a mini-heart attack when  **_an unknown presence was following Hansha around_ ** .)


	2. 4. Chunin Exams (Konoha's Not-Invasion)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> holy shit that took forever ... enjoy!

  
The invasion of Konoha did not go as planned.  
  
Like, at all.  
  
First of all, the Uchiha police. While none of them were actually Uchiha, they carried the name like a badge of honour. For good or for bad.

For Good: After the disastrous first few months of the ‘choose people who have fucked up on their missions’ system new laws had been implemented by the Uchiha’s backers, meaning that every member of the higher ups of the Uchiha police had been hand picked for their roles by the Uchiha regent and the Uchiha clan head.

For Bad: All of them were hand chosen by the INSANE Uchiha regent and Uchiha clan head (who was probably equally insane, after all who in their right mind would hire _that_ as the new chief of the military police), they knew exactly what kind of punishments befell them if they failed any patrol (honestly punishments were probably the most and least accurate terms, they were not tortured or anything, but those that missed a disturbance had to ... help the new ANBU agents with their new mission duties (i.e. the course known as ‘moving target practice’)).

So, the ranks composed of career genin and chunin, jonin-track chunin, jonin officers, jonin on leave, and finally, jonin on **_leave_ ** were a group of highly trained competent individuals (or at least led by highly trained competent individuals), who had been handling the security and safety of the village for over three years, and were ready for any of the typical bullshit dealt by foreign nin.

Gekko Hayate, tokebetsu jonin, was not killed by Baki, because instead of investigating in the dark, he had approached jonin Officer Mimura Mamaki - who had been holding his ground at his outpost, as per usual - and explained what he had seen. A squad was sent to investigate and promptly brought down and arrested Baki.

It was a surprise that Baki and the rest of the invasion had even been able to get into the village, as the Uchiha regent and the head of the police force had pooled their resources together to filibuster the council into hiring Jiraya of the sanin to update the village’s security seals. (Luckily this was done while Yakushi Kabuto was out of the village and when he attempted to enter again was promptly knocked unconscious for holding Orochimaru’s mark.) Either way Orochimaru barely was able to get through, and without his help on the outside none of the extra forces were able to enter.

Jiraya himself was in attendance, because once again, the Uchiha regent and head head of the police force had battered the elders council into hiring the Toad Sage as extra security for the event. So when Shukaku went insane (or well, let out the ever present insanity) Jiraya popped a seal on the pile of bullshit and went to help his sensei.

(And, generally, a lot less death happened, for example; evacuation protocols had been practiced for the last year and a half, meaning that all the civilians either had basements that led into pathways out of the village, or seals within their homes to teleport them to safe houses.

The only people who suffered due to this decision was Danzou and ROOT, because it was their pathways that were used, after all, Hiruzen and the rest of the Clan Head council reasoned, ROOT had been long since disbanded, it wasn’t like they needed them.)

Second, the clan heads, who, now used to little Hansha's attempts to stalk them were quick to dispel genjutsu whenever they _didnt_ see the little girl, because clearly that meant she had managed to hide from them and lay in weight to learn **_another_ ** dangerous jutsu which would have her older cousin tearing his hair out in frustration.

(And while Hyuuga Hiashi did so love to frustrate the Uchiha clan head, he preferred to be aware of the Uchiha heir _at all times_ and instead pretend not to have seen her.)

Sasuke’s own status as clan head meant that no matter where he was ( _yes, even in a multi-village tournament)_ he had to have an ANBU guard of at least three members, at all times. So you can probably imagine how his confrontation with Orochimaru went.

Third, the jonin, Yoshino-san led the charge, and cut a bloody swathe through the invaders (because while she was _officially_ listed as chunin was actually ANBU Rat and held a similar level of skill to her husband, after all, did you really think that the Jonin commander would marry a civillian bound career chunin? Oh hell no.). When she started cackling both Chouza and Inoichi unconsciously copied their children as they stared at their friend, Shikaku, with identical expressions of _‘you married that how are you not insane’_ . Shikamaru didn’t even bother responding to his friends, too busy facepalming at his father’s _‘Yoshino covered in blood is super hot’_ face.

Anko had long ago helped Jiraya devise a seal that ensured that Manda and other unapproved nin summons were unable to enter Konoha, so instead of a good eighth of the village being crushed by a giant snake, it ended up covering the bubble-like shield over the village - the worst damage it did was towards the Suna nin, after all Nara needed shadows to operate, and Manda’s shadow over the village was such a _convenient_ **_resource._ **  
  
The result: Instead of Sasuke being stalked by evil pedo snake dude he was stalked by his usual ANBU guard who alerted the others when they found weird nin - putting the village on alert and making the security go up even further.

When Suna nin attempted to go after the Uchiha heir they were soundly destroyed by her obsessively protective guard. After all, they had been caring for her since she was three.

Then during the battles Sasuke did not face Gaara (when the sign flashed their names a water bullet had come from a completely unrepentant proctor's mouth and broke the screen. They had then announced different pairings, putting an oto nin with the little jinchuuriki.)

When the genjutsu fell over the stands the clan heads were the first to stop it and suddenly everything was chaos.

It ended with the Sandaime and the Toad Sage killing their former student/teammate and promptly announcing that all non-konoha nin had exactly twelve hours to leave before the executions would begin.  No one stayed to check the bluff.

(Gaara and his siblings left without a word, although Gaara would be seeing a Suna mind healer soon, as his new seal - created by the great toad sage - held back all the Shukaku caused insanity. Reportedly it would take another two years before Gaara was able to get his head on straight and begin taking missions again.)

Twelve hours later the Sandaime ordered that Tsuande be found. He needed to retire.  
  
The only moment of levity had been when Sasuke - in front of the other clan heads, because dems the rules - had burst into tears when he was given his chunin vest.  
  
For a moment even Hiruzen felt bad for him. All that stress on the shoulders of a child. Because of his orders … ah well he was sure that Tsuande would be able to fix his not-fuck-ups.

(When Tsuande read Itachi’s first report she proceeded to track down Sarutobi and yell at him for five hours.

Hiruzen couldn’t help but think, as he leaned back in his chair at home, that _this was the life_. Now if only his favourite student AKA the one not yelling at him, would stop laughing at him. )


	3. 3. Uchiha Rep +1000 pts (The Gap Year)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lol worst april fools joke ever; the newest story is updated, with a chapter that is double the length, and it is not a prank!

The sad thing is, that while Hansha-chan is the centre of Sasuke's world now, when he first met his then two year old cousin he had wanted nothing to do with her.   
  
Even worse, when he had first seen her, held close to the chest of a teary eyed nurse he had said, "Take  _ it _ away." There was a moment where Sasuke had closed his eyes and turned away, when the nurses exchanged looks and the ANBU guards exchanged furious hand gestures.

  
Then the vultures descended.  
  
Sasuke was given a pre-genin apartment on the other side of the city from his old clan grounds, close to the academy, and Hansha-chan was given to a civilian family in the merchant district.  
  
(The civilians were hoping to raise Uchiha Hansha to be the perfect young lady, forget all this ninja nonsense, and perhaps marry one of their young sons, giving the family the Uchiha name. They were so lucky that the elder council had granted their request to give _the_ _poor_ _girl_ a home.   
  
Danzo was equally lucky. The Hokage had told the ANBU commander that if the littlest Uchiha failed the academy, genin, or chunin exams he would be allowed to absorb her into the shadow ranks. As long as she was in a civilian household.  
  
Danzou was sure he could fake her death and induct her into ROOT before then.)  
  
A month after their first meeting and subsequent separation at the hospital, Sasuke realized he had made **a terrible mistake**. But when he had gone to the Hokage to fix it he had been told that 'Sasuke-kun was too young to care for a child'.  
  
When he had tried to find her, just to see her - _because oh god he woke up some nights with the vision of her face staring up at him with accusing eyes and oh god no why he didn't mean to_ ** _please_** \- he had promptly been taken to the Hokage's office where he had been told in no uncertain terms was he to see her.  
  


(That day he had stumbled back to his empty -  _ so empty oh god  _ \- apartment. Shadowed in the doorway  _ of what felt like  _ **_the rest of his life_ ** he listened. The sound of a dog barking, the neighbours talking, feet on the rooftops. He could hear the carts being dragged through the streets below. He could smell the dinners being made and he could see the lights going out and he could feel …

 

He didn’t feel anything.

 

In this space of noise and movements and warmth all he felt was emptiness. His friends were gone. His home was gone. His life was gone. His family was … His family was gone.

 

Except.

 

Except for a little girl. 

 

This is when the tears fell.

 

A little fist clenched, crumpling the forms he had been handed, in it were big sentences, the kind his father grumbled over - used to grumble over. The hokage - the man his mother looked up to … used to look up to - had given …

 

A sob erupted.

 

_ He didn’t even know her name. _ )   
  


...

 

This was unacceptable.   
  
But now he knew that the Hokage was not on his side .... He didn't know what to do.   
  
So he had skipped school and braved the bloodstained compound. He had paused briefly where his parents had died, before he continued on to his father's office and began reading.    
  
Luckily for Sasuke a Nara ANBU had been part of his guard and after their shift had promptly gone to plan shogi with the clan head. No words were exchanged, so the ANBU hadn't broken their vow, but by the end of the day Shikaku was gathering materials from his own files to bring to the young orphan.   
  
The next day Sasuke attended school in a haze, he had been taken from his father's office and told to go back to school. And to give up. It was like the entire village was against them. When the bell rang to signal the end of school he had just stared blankly at it ... Was this to be his future? To know but never see his baby cousin again?   
  
He felt tears gather as he searched his memory, surely,  _ surely,  _ the nurses had said something, surely they had told him something. But no, even now as he attempted to clear his mind and think, he found nothing. His only family in the world ... Gone.   
  
His world ending thoughts slammed to a halt when a hand grasped his upper arm, blinking he lifted his eyes to meet the deadpan expression of the perpetually bored Nara heir.   
  
"Uh."   
  
The fellow heir rolled his eyes and grumbled, "Troublesome." Then, in an obviously put-upon voice he stated, loudly, "You're coming home with me."   
  
Curious and not wanting to be man handled, Sasuke picked up his pace so he was walking side by side with Shikamaru, "Why?"    
  
The pineapple haired boy gritted his teeth and looked to the side, "I need help with my Taijutsu practice."   
  
There was a pause as they walked together, letting the obvious lie settle into the air between them. Sasuke briefly considered turning around and going back, but to what? The apartment wasn't home, and the clan grounds had proved unsafe. He settled for a typical response, “Uhn.

  
Reaching the Nara clan grounds, Sasuke felt a twinge of jealousy at the other heir nodded to the guard outside the entrance, how many times had he done the exact same thing at the Uchiha clan compound? And would he ever again? He trudged along behind the Nara, his face down, barely acknowledging the familiar scenes of a clan neighbourhood.   
  
The clan head's home was less ostentatious than the Uchiha one, and for that he was eternally grateful, he didn't need more comparisons (briefly he wondered if the lack of sibling was a contrast or a similarity). Slipping of his shoes at the door, he wasn't even surprised that they didn't go to one of the private training grounds, Sasuke quietly followed his classmate in.    
  
He nearly froze up when Shikamaru led Sasuke into what was obviously a sitting room where his father - the Jonin Commander and Nara clan head - sat at the low table looking over papers.   
  
He did freeze up when Shikamaru blandly stated, "Ah I've got to go, ka-chan needs some help in the yard." There had been no call.   
  
When Shikamaru left his classmate in the living room Sasuke was once again reminded that something was up - if he hadn't he doesn't deserve to be a ninja. The clan head had smirked over his tea before saying, "Do you play shogi?"    
  
Sasuke had dumbly shook his head and watched as he put aside his tea and began moving around official looking documents to set up the shogi board. He stared for a few more moments, before moving into a seiza position across from the slumping clan head. The following ten games all lead to a loss, but they were all successes. Sasuke left the house with a new goal: become Uchiha clan head.   
  
The Hokage had been unimpressed, but as the ANBU guard could attest, no words were spoken.   
  
Within a week Sasuke had come back to the clan building, and asked for an alliance. This led to Sasuke and Shikaku holing up in the latter's office every night for a good week going over documents.   
  
Sadly, they concluded that he couldn't just announce himself as clan head and take back Hansha-chan. But there were parts of the Uchiha clan that he could begin to initiate, which would lead to his future parenthood.   
  
And thus the Uchiha police force was reformed.    
  


Of course, it wasn’t that simple. The police force had been based out of the Uchiha Clan buildings, so he had to take money out of the clan vault to hire workers to clean and fix up the buildings. In addition the Military Police Force had been subject to budget cuts for the past seven years, so he would have to substitute the first three or so months of pay with clan funds.

 

Then of course he had to hire people, without making it seem like the police force would actually  **work.** After spending a day or say puzzling over this, Shikaku-san had taken the reigns and had been  _ kind _ enough to raise the matter with a fellow clan head. Specifically Hyuuga Hiashi. Shikashi, second cousin of Yoshino, had been working as secretary/bodyguard to the clan head during this particular meeting and had been permanently traumatized. Even now, the mere sight of the Hyuuga Head (and if rumor had it, later, Hinata) had the lazy Nara walking  **_briskly_ ** away.

 

(Shikashi still had horrible daydreams during her naps, when Shikaku-san had explained the problem … Hyuuga-sama had  **_smiled_ ** . And then  **_chuckled_ ** .)

 

Because, Hiruzen was steadfast with the idea of a  _ proper _ Uchiha ANBU( sorry Kakashi), and what better way to do that then have her raised by a group of flighty civilians? So any intelligent proposal from Shikaku, Chouza or Inoichi would be quickly rebuffed. Hyuuga Hiashi however? The same man who hated Fugaku and spent  _ nine hours  _ **_talking_ ** , to keep the current budget cuts?  No proposal of his would be Uchiha positive.

 

Which, to be fair was true.

 

Hiashi’s proposal was such; “To ensure the dedication of the future military police, and keep their skills similar to how they were before their traumatic loss, we must hire respected nin. However this order may not become a permanent part of the village - as the previous Military Police have proven - and because of this we should not sacrifice our best mission runners to this pursuit. Therefore I would caution the  _ remaining  _ Uchiha with their future plans, and request that a probationary period of three months be implemented, where only non-mission running nin, who do not have a permanent position within the home field corps, be hired.”

 

Yes. You read that right.

 

Hiashi is a giant bitch.

 

Luckily, Shikaku planned for this. So while the motion passed with Hiruzen’s full support, it also passed with Sasuke’s.

 

The first thing they did was ensure the contract was in righting, and then Shikaku invited Yoshino to the baby-clan-head study sessions. And she did exactly what he expected and found the _worst_ _possible_ candidate for police chief (at least from Hiruzen’s perspective).

 

Yuuhi Kurenai, A-Rank Kunoichi, espionage specialist, member of the devastating Ju Ichi Yo Kan, former fangirl, and girlfriend to the Hokage’s youngest son.

 

There was no way in hell he would ever be able to contradict her. Ever.

 

Within a month Kurenai, through use of hallucinogenic poisons, ninja paranoia triggers, and calmly smiling whenever someone came to her with a problem, had wrangled the loose grouping of idiots into something resembling a police force, and at the very least,  _ mimicked _ a fully functioning military police force.

 

Once the three months were up (and Sasuke had depleted about 45% of his clan's funds) a new meeting was called by Akimichi Chouza. It went something like this;

 

_ AK: But oh no whats this? _

 

_ Yamanaka Inoichi: What on earth could be wrong? _

 

_ AK: It appears that Kurenai is still taking orders from Sasuke, who is,  _ **_le gasp_ ** _ , a pre-genin. _

 

_ Sarutobi Hiruzen: Please stop. Explain. We already knew this. _

 

_ AK: (gathers breath) A pre-genin - _

 

_ Hyuuga Hiashi: (slams fist on table) An UCH-I mean pre-genin, is in charge of Jonin!  _

 

_ AK: (lets out breathe) what he said. _

 

_ HH: (frothing at the mouth) This is a security risk!!! How dare that brat have more power than me … I mean Hanabi! How dare he! _

 

_ YI: I thought Hinata was your heir? _

 

_ HH: (glares) I know what I said. _

 

_ SH: Calm down everyone. This is not a security risk … (sees Hiashi glare and begin to mouth the words ‘special privilege to Uchiha’ -  _ yes Hiruzen has heard these words enough from Hiashi that he recognizes them before they're even verbalized  _ \- and stops) Fine. What would you suggest we do? _

 

_ Inuzuka Tsume: We could always make him clan head. _

 

_ SH: (glares) _

 

_ Nara Shikaku: Raises your hands if you want to make a pre-genin Uchiha clan head? _

 

_ (All hands raise) _

 

_ NS: Motion passes. _

 

_ (Pulls Uchiha Sasuke out of waiting room with his shadows) _

 

_ US: New clan head passes motion within Uchiha clan to reclaim all members by birth. _

 

Whoops guess what that means …

 

So within a year (2 months of wallowing, 1 month of planning, 3 months of fixing up the barracks, 1 month of paperwork, 3 months of awful forced police force, 1 more month of paperwork to be ready to be clan head, and 1 month of arguing with civilian council) Uchiha Sasuke became clan head, recreated the Military Police, spent half his clan’s accumulated funds, and adopted his cousin.

 

Whose name was Uchiha Hansha.

 

_ Yoshini cried _ , when she learnt why Sasuke was crying as he read her file.

 

TTT

 

Holding his baby cousin, who was now three, it had been a long year, he smiled down at her and whispered, “Hi Hansha-chan, my name is Sasuke, and I’m going to take care of you from now on.”

 

The baby babbled before gabling out her first word, “Sassi!”

  
Sasuke bawled into Yoshino’s tunic while Shikaku made faces at the impatient toddler who wanted to get back to the  _ her cousin. _

 

(... he also gained the friendship of several of the major clan heads, leadership of the police, and a giant fuck you to the hokage.

  
Now he just had to figure out how to get a regent, he really couldn't be the  _ actual _ clan head, he needed to focus on Hansha.)

 


	4. 2. The Jounin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wow its been a while. Enjoy.

Mitarashi Anko's first impression of the Uchiha brat was not favourable. She had been part of the ANBU stationed around his hospital room (as punishment) and he had been an all-around brat. Anko was an orphan herself, and when the brat had ignored his little baby cousin, she had been rightly pissed.

But later, she realized she had been a teency-tiny bit too harsh, because after the brat had recovered she could clearly see the after effects of PTSD. And even then he had soldiered through to get his baby brat at his side.

But Uchiha Sasuke, clan head, had not met Mitarashi Anko, Tokubetsu Jonin and torture-specific genjutsu expert, until two years after ANBU Hawk guarded the recent orphan. She knew that Shikaku-sama had gained a liking to the brat, and thus Inoichi-sama, but she had still been surprised when Inoichi had told her that the new Uchiha clan head would like to speak to her.

So here she was, standing calmly outside the new Uchiha Police Force building, and kind of awed by the general chaos of this place. It wasn't awful, bad chaos, but it was chaotic. As she entered the ultra modern (very different from the old building) building she nearly bumped (as an ANBU the only thing that touches her is something she allows to) by a rushing runner genin (and damn that little guy was going fast for someone with bare minimum ninja skills), and weaving her way to the front desk she saw that the secretaries were actually five shadow clones of the same person, all handling calls.

Briefly she wondered what kind of headache he would have in the morning. Conversations were always so much harder to process than actions.

Without pausing the left-most one did a quick seal and a sixth, equally harried clone poofed into existence, "Shinobi ID number and reason for visiting," he said, as if on rote, as he pulled out a thick stack of paper barely attached to it's clipboard.

The man nodded and jotted down her number before leading her up to the second floor, where the man slapped his hand against the glass and called out, "Sasuke-kun, wake up! Another applicant is here!" Before the clone dismissed itself.

Anko enters the office and feels her inner eyebrows slowly raise as she takes in the clan head’s disheveled appearance (since this is some kind of job interview she’s gonna keep blank faced until she has the mission parameters understood). The most obvious disheveled-ness was this; bags under his eyes, hair which kind of stood up straight from being cushioned against a desk, he had a bit of ink on his nose. The less obvious signs; rushing pulse, low chakra, slight smell of sweat, pale from lack of exercise or exertion, papers on desk had no dust, slight film over teeth, his left foot was asleep, as was his ass, barely hidden tear tracks.

Wow that kids was tired.

The kid shuffled his papers as if he was some civilian merchant, before pulling out a sheet with her face on it, “I understand that you were voted the most unpredictable ninja by your genin graduating class.”

The pre-Orochimaru memories were a bit fuzzy but also sad, she had been so … innocent, “That was a long time ago.” Whoops her voice was a bit too tough for a friendly interview.

The boy blinked before glancing at her file, and then barely restraining a wince - ah yes, she remembered that sentence kidnapped and tortured by S-Rank Traitor to village, her first genin sensei - looked back up at her, “Let me be blunt,” oh goodie, “I am this close,” he held up a hand and placed the paper between his thumb and pointer finger, “too failing academy and losing all of this,” an expansive wave to indicate the nice clean building, “because of my clan duties. How would you like,” a small sheaf of papers with carefully highlighted fields for her signatures, “to fuck with elders and get paid for it.”

The cackle that came from the clan head’s office caused the genin runners and chunin officers to skirt the premises to avoid the demons within.

“Sure.”

(A side note as an ode to the ‘new Uchiha Force Building’;

I love the idea of it being ultra modern, sleek, innovative, you know, all the architectural buzzwords but (drum roll please) ... it’s like western buildings between the 70s to 80s style of ultra modern, so it's actually super duper fuck butt ugly but on trend now, AND THEN in 10 years they realize that, but it can be changed so it just is that ugly building in every town.

And even BETTER; in comparison to konoha all the other ninja villages have like minor police forces, which fell out of popularity after news of the massacre reached them (bc the police force is meant for civilians and not powerful ninja, but since konoha is the ‘nice’ village they are the ones with the highest civilian population and therefore the most developed police force) and then when konoha started building theirs up again they were like THOSE DAMN TREE FUCKING HIPPIES AINT GONNA HAVE BETTER THAN US so they start building their police forces (and therefore protect their civies but its more about the one upmanship than anything else) and then they hear that ‘oooh konoha’s police force is so pretty and modern, have you seen their station? It’s like they are the best and brightest of all villages and probably have more money too.’ So the other villages are like fuck that and send their spies to take photos and yeah in conclusion through a pre-genin’s awful close-ur-eyes-through-a-dart style choice and inter-village competition and spying now every village has a butt ugly police force and bc they are going through a recession they can't fix it at all.)

TTT

When Sasuke had told Hansha to stop stalking chunin she had realized her mark was set too low and started stalking Jonin.

And at nine years old, her life changed. Her brother was a chunin and she had just entered third year when she met shishou-sama. He. Was. Amazing. She had been trying to find the practice ground Koharu-san practiced at when she stumbled upon her new idol. He was so strong, and fast! He was exactly like she wanted to be in the future!

(The expression Kakashi-jiji had made when his cute student's cute cousin had come to him asking advice on how to be like Maito Gai, was something his old genin team still laughed over.)

TTT

  
Yuuhi Kurenai, recently promoted jonin, head of the Uchiha police, and future wife (cross her fingers) to Sarutobi Asuma, was not impressed with her future (cross her fingers pray to kami) father in law.

For one, he was a wartime-era leader in peacetime, and was, frankly, unsuited for the role. He did not understand the importance of transparency and ignored paperwork. It was disgraceful. (Briefly she once again lamented the fact that the Hokage had to be the strongest shinobi in the village, and not the smartest. Even the dumbest civilian must realize now that that idiotic Uzumaki boy - who had inherited none of his father’s intelligence and all of his mother’s rambunctiousness - would soon be in charge of their economy. She was highly tempted to take on a spot as one of the Daimyo’s Twelve Guardian Ninja when that time came, screw Asuma and their future adorable babies.)

For another, he seemed to despise Sasuke-kun.

Which is so strange, the kid is a bit uppity (and aren’t all young heirs? Asuma was like that, in his academy days, all full of himself and ready to conquer the world, ah so cute) and a bit of an asshole, but otherwise okay.

She was half tempted to say that the Hokage didn’t was the Uchiha clan resurrected, but that was bullshit (as if the old man could even lie, whenever Asuma tried his eyes would skirt a fraction of a papers breadth to the left … Something that all her friends told her was an indication of her being ‘a freaky stalker’ but Anko thought was sweet … Maybe Not the best indication) because the police department was going really well (and holy cow she got a uniform, the kinky sex happening in Asuma and her apartments had increased at least tenfold) even if there was a bunch of paperwork (but Asuma was such a sweetie and would bring her home cooked meals and massage her shoulders and every now and then they would christen a different part of her office …).

AND all the clan heads were being weird about this … especially the Hyuuga guy (Every now and then she would have to summon Asuma so they could have kinky sex just to get rid of the old fart) and the Ino-Shika-Cho trio kept popping in to have meetings with Sasuke-kun and Anko-chan. But overall it didn’t really matter what they thought, just because you were a family head did not mean you did anything.

(The funny thing was, Kurenai did start the Yuuhi family - one of the first to have a system of adoption-by-conquest for it’s members, at its beginning it was 2 and after the first year it became 287 and it keeps growing - and did become clan head and she kept this attitude. With no real repercussions. Because it turns out that she was right? Everyone was kind of shocked.)

But in the end, the guy took Sasuke’s baby, and if someone did that to her future children, Hokage or not, she would gut him and force him to eat his dick.  
  
(On a side note from Sasuke’s perspective, NINJA COURTING IS TERRIFYING.

If you were lucky it’d just be a ‘hey wow we’re alive, wanna get married’ after a stressful mission with a side of ‘you know so we can protect each other’s loved ones if one of us dies’.

If you’re unlucky well … there is a reason why fangirling isn’t so much as discouraged as encouraged. Female hormones are terrifying, case in point; future mister Yuuhi Asuma - because hell if Kurenai is losing her roots as a civilian born ninja and being sucked into clan bullshit. She’s making her own clan and Asuma is going to help her or else.

Everyone thinks that Asuma is bat shit crazy for being head over heels in love with that.)

[as a more official/unofficial side note;

The yuuhi clan became such a large clan that eventually it was just assumed that if you were a Konoha nin that you were also a Yuuhi member, and this is mainly due to the fact that Kurenai instituted the rule and waited three weeks (and sixty five different spars) before telling anyone - all the new members were sent congratulatory notes which looked like wedding invitations because she wanted to test put the feel of the different kinds of papers.

A huge systematic problem of Konoha is the whole Hyuuga situation, so Kurenai specifically targeted all her Hyuuga friends for spars. Unsurprisingly when the - surprisingly flowery - notices came in the mail and the Hokage was forced to verify that yes this is legal (and no Danzou, I’ve revoked all old and new clans from adding this membership system to their charter, so Shimura clan needs to stay how it is) the Hyuuga branch members started a mass excommunication where they either went themselves or offered up their children to spar with Yuuhi members so they could have time to withdraw assets and find accommodations. With this sudden influx in members Yuuhi started researching new and better seals than the Caged Bird. The elders put up a fuss but the Yuuhi clan was now one of the largest clans in Konoha, backed by the Uchiha and the Nara, Akimichi, Yamanaka, Inuzuka, and other smaller ones (like the Sarutobi clan who were now related by conquest-marriage).

Two notable members that all ya’ll fans will remember are Yuuhi Zabuza and Yuuhi Haku, who were both defeated by the first conquest member of the Yuuhi clan (Asuma) but only after Shikamaru quietly assessed the situation and realized these ruffians protecting a warlord on the outskirts of the Land of Tea had been attempting to fund a revolution then just kind of gave up after the ‘evil leader’ suddenly turned good and exiled himself and were now looking for a place to live - he explained this to Haku when the other boy was attempting to go incognito, and then after a heart attack via Asuma when a missing nin showed up at his - baby genin included - inn. A friendly spar (which actually led to Asuma’s pay being increased, yay) occurred and the group of six headed back to Konoha to get yelled at by some people.]

TTTT

Hatake Kakashi’s opinion of Uchiha Hansha was summed up in three words; “cute but meh”. The girl followed her older cousin around and generally made a nuisance of herself around the chunin but was otherwise ‘meh’. And then IT happened.

Three years after getting his genin team Hansha-chan asked for advice on home to be more like Maito Gai.

And no matter how hard he tried to dissuade her, in the end he failed and lived to see the day of an Uchiha in Uchiha-police issue leg warmers with little fans on them.

TTT

Aburame Torune did not really know Uchiha Hansha, what he did know was that a man with the sharingan was the one to kill Danzou-sama and free him and the other ROOT members (even the ones who did not realize that they were slaves).

His return to his uncle and his cousin Shino led to many tears.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter ks titled; Itachi


	5. 1. Itachi

The first thing Itachi does, when he learns of Hansha, is ask the man masquerading as Uchiha Madara if he must kill her, too.

His response is laughter and a “we’ll see.”

Five nights later Kisame stays quiet in their room as he vomits into a wash basin, their meals from the day gone, retching on bile. Only when he breaks down into sobs does his partner move into the small wash closet to sit against his side. This will be the third of seven times that Itachi breaks down, the second time in front of Kisame. The Akatsuki appear unfeeling from the outside, but Itachi is twelve, he is a child grieving over the blood on his hands, the family he killed, and if this isn’t reason enough for Pein’s final plan … then … There is no answer to that.

Itachi presses his face against Kisame’s side and cries, and Kisame draws his arms around the tiny body shaking with its breathes.

He doesn’t move from his position, but he does look down, reading the note Itachi had opened half an hour before with shaking hands.

Hey Itachi-kun, don’t worry about the little girl. You can always kill her later. ;)

Of course, Kisame had heard over the intel lines about the littlest Uchiha, the three year old girl who had miraculously survived the massacre. Bitterly he thinks that the massacre was probably the least dangerous thing she will ever face.

TTT

The sixth time Itachi breaks down, is years later, after he receives another rolled note from the plant bastard.

This time Kisame doesn’t read it.

But he already knows what it says, and isn’t that worse? Aren’t they fighting to stop this kind of thing? What good could killing a little girl, whose skill is barely an 19th of her eldest cousin’s?

(This is when Kisame starts questioning.)

TTT

Kisame wasn’t sure what to make of the littlest Uchiha.

Reports indicated that her sharingan had never activated, and even now, captured by two missing nin, the red eyes didn’t appear.

“So what are we doing with her?”

“Taking her to ame.”

“To Pein?”

The pause was too long.

“Yeah.”

So she went to the power behind the throne then.

TTT

Sasuke returned to a village where his baby cousin was gone and his older brother had taken her

TTT

The little girl stood, defiant, in front of the leader and angel of Ame.

(Both briefly wondered what their people would think of them, if they saw them now.)

At her back were two S-rank missing nin, one who was at least 4 times her size, and the other (maybe) murdered her parents and elder sister.

(Both stood at attention, but their minds were in turmoil.)

Pein spoke. “Why did you bring her here?” Konan stayed quiet at his side, silent and observing.

The question stretched out into the silence … Until …

“Ah, ah, ah,” a voice spoke in the shadows, “he brought her here because I ordered him too.” The masked man stepped into the light.

(Briefly Kisame reflected on the fact the man was definitely Uchiha because he was so damn dramatic.)

Konan’s sharp eyes turned to him, “And what does a little girl have to do with your plans?”

“Not as much as I was hoping, seeing that her eyes don’t even work properly.”

(Beside Kisame, Itachi tensed, and then relaxed.)

Hansha stayed silent, watchful. Eyes alert, and heartbeat high, and then she spoke;

“The sharingan can control people’s actions.”

(“She talks,” mutters Kisame, the only one to hear being Itachi at his side, who stands transfixed on the sight of part three of his remaining family.)

Her high voice rang out in the cavernous throne room, her eyes locked on the masked man’s chest, her body quivering and stinking with fear, “During the third war, kiri nin were controlled by the sharingan to capture a girl called Rin.”

The sentence hung for a disbelieving moment and then …

The masked man exploded.

TTT

A week after Hansha was taken from Konoha, Danzou is murdered, strung up alongside a shrivelled corpse and a set of dehydrated plant-people, hung from nooses under the heads of the Hokage.

It took longer for the Akatsuki to dissolve, but when the very premise of their mission was lies, then what was the point? Tobi is gone, Itachi took a brief hiatus where he swept bloody revenge against ROOT and the remaining members integrate themselves into Ame, when Itachi returns he is given good medical care (both physical and mental) and is placed in a luxurious penthouse apartment with Kisame as a roommate.

Tobi is never seen again.

But faraway Uchiha Obito is found by a Konoha patrol, carrying a worn and tired Uchiha Hansha, telling a fantastical story about being captured by Uchiha Madara and saved by another Uchiha he used to babysit and a talking shark. Later a test is used and long use narcotics and mind altering drugs are found in his bloodstream.

Sasuke never learns that his new uncle Obito killed his parents.

Obito never remembers the past two decades.

Itachi takes the secret to his grave.

 


	6. +1 Little Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wow ... The end

I'd like to say that when Itachi came upon little two year old Hansha-chan, hiding in a closet and sobbing her eyes out, he stopped. I'd like that he stopped. That he looked at this little girl, so like his brother, so like Shishui, and pretended to forget her. Pretended that he couldn't feel her weak chakra there.

But that is not the case.

Itachi helped to kill all of his clan, the harder ones went to the blank masked nin Danzou and the Hokage leant him, and he was ordered to do two things, kill his parents and kill the children. All of the children. The Uchiha clan was three hundred strong, with civilians and elders beside. How many children do you think there were. After a while suffocating infants and stabbing four year olds became rote. So when he stumbled upon little two year old Hansha-chan he didn't stop. Standing over the corpses of her parents in front of her hiding place - where they likely died trying to protect her - he struck.

He didn't even bother to open the door. Once he saw the blood bloom out from under the doorway he turned for his final battle, leaving little Hansha-chan’s corpse behind.

TTT

Disc Side A,

  
She had hid as she watched the clan heir murder his cousin however many times removed, and once she was sure he was gone she went to investigate.

The door not holding the sword aloft moved easily under her fingers and she dispassionately watched the corpse. Still. Unmoving. Little fingers loose.

She looked at her own fingers, they were about the same size, because where Hansha-chan had youth the little girl had malnutrition.

She paused to consider the corpse. And then she moved. She didn't bother to think on Danzou-sama. Hansha-chan had never even knew the man after all.

That night, when the forces returned Danzou noted that one of the agents was missing, but no matter how long they searched or how many times they activated the seal, she never returned.

In the hospital, the little girl known as Hansha-chan slept off her use of kekkai genkai while the nurses over her marvelled at her survival.

She never told anyone, eventually even the little girl forgot who she was before she was Uchiha Hansha, beloved little cousin of the clan head. She never had children, unlike Sasuke, reasoning that she had no need to pass the sharingan on with all her little nieces and nephews. Only when she died, on the battlefield, at the ripe old age of fifty-six, did anyone realize, and even then the enemy-nin assumed that it had been a Konoha nin under a genjutsu. Sasuke and his children scoured the battlefield for her body, so she could have a proper burial, and only when they stumbled upon a green haired woman's body, decked out in Uchiha colours and around the same age as their dear family member did they begin to realize what happened. What had been happening.

Sasuke carried her back himself, and sat through the sensor and medic nin's tests next to his little cousin. When what he already knew to be true was confirmed, he buried her on clan grounds, and added this part of her history to his family records. Uchiha Hansha, daughter of Uchiha Meiko and Uchiha Inari, is noted as one of the victims of the Uchiha massacre.

The story of the green haired Uchiha spread around Earth Country, before moving onto other regions. A bold woman with a strong taijutsu stance, who bared her teeth like an animal and died with a smile.

(Little Uchiha Sawada, second youngest of the seven Uchiha bratlets was the one to kill her auntie's murderer. The night before she had calmly told her Jonin sensei she would be partaking in her first kill, freaking the poor new leader of Team Seven, after all they were only on a C class mission.)

Disc Side B,

  
An old woman, who had lived an extremely blissful life of a nuclear physicist, had one child and six grand kids (and my young Fiona and her lovely wife really loved to have babies) died surrounded by family and her awards (because damn it girl I need to see all my babies as I fade into the eternal chasm!). She then woke up in the body of a little girl, a giant ass sword through her chest and was momentarily speechless.

"Well fuck."

Only momentarily speechless.

 

 


End file.
